"There She Goes Again..."

Open letter to a friend who "dumped" me

2011-09-06T17:28:00.004-07:00

It has taken me a few weeks to respond to this... but I did not want to be too hasty in my words, lest I be hurtful, nor did I want to diminish the tremendous effects your words and your "dumping" me as your friend have had on me (each reaction is very different, I assure you). I am writing today in order to allow myself closure and it is obviously your choice to either read on or completely discard what I have to say.

I am not sure if you are firm in your decision to not be friends any longer. First, you tell me (for lack of better phrasing) that you’d rather not be friends with the likes of me, then you tell me of your love and of your heartbreak, and then you invite me back into the fray to share an activity which was very much one which we enjoyed together (and which I have fond memories of doing, sometimes only with you). I do have to say that I am a bit confused by this … but, regardless, I do thank you from the bottom of my misshapen heart, for sharing your kindness, your heart, and your thoughts with me in the years of our knowing each other, and in your recent message. (It has been about ten years or so (maybe more) that we have known each other --- did you know that?)

Anyhow … I feel the need to get out a response to you, telling you, also, of what I have been feeling and thinking since first receiving your words cutting me out of your life and denying me any further connection. I think in order for me to heal from the pain of losing your friendship so abruptly, I need to get my thoughts and feelings out. You do not need to respond, unless you would like… but I find the "knowing why" makes it easier to take the "dumping" a little easier, on my part. Perhaps you will feel clearer (or not) about your decision to disconnect from me? I don’t know. So let’s see…

I am very hurt that you so clearly were bothered by what you learned about me (about my indiscretion and my apparent imperfection), but yet you chose not to talk to me about it and, instead, waited until a good amount of time had past and I had reached out to reconnect with you. The blow has hurt me to my core. A lot has happened in my life since we last spoke and I had greatly missed my friend. Had my life not literally been turned upside down after my daughters so tragically lost their father, I would probably have reached out sooner. I have always missed our connection in the times we have been lost to one another. But I had always had faith that we would forever be connected, in our own times, and as we needed one another. I apparently needed you more than you needed me.

I had tried before to reconnect with you through dance lessons (something you quite enjoy), but the strain of the activity and the time it was taking out of my life was causing problems in my personal life and so I had to discontinue. Perhaps I should have told you what was going on when that happened. And then, as it happens, life kept us from being connected . . .

And somewhere since last we spoke and until just recently when I reached out again to you, you had (unbeknownst to me) hardened your heart toward me. And for the reasons you shared, I can’t help but understand why, though this does not lessen the ache. I ache from your disappointment, my disappointment in myself, and my disappointment in our failed friendship.

I can only say that I am truly sorry that you have been hurt and disappointed in me and my actions. You are my friend and I have loved you as such (and at times, as more) for a long time, and I am sorry that I have caused you any pain. And I’m sorry, too, that learning a little more about my heart caused you to see me in a much different light. I will not apologize, however, for being myself, for sharing myself with you, for caring about you, for loving you, or for loving others.

Sometimes mistakes have to be made, consequences revealed, and the experiences analyzed in retrospect, before a person can find their way to the “good and righteous path”. I am no saint. I am only a woman. I am not perfect. Even Mary Magdalene was forgiven her sinful ways. And while I know you know this to be true, I think that the proverbial straw was your knowing the extent of my imperfection. I love a man who is married to another, and he loves me in return. Circumstances and choices have kept us from sharing our lives, but has not quit our love. That our love brought us together physically, I will not belabor explanation any further.

But I am, however, confused as to how your knowing of this affects our ability to be friends. I have been indiscreet with a man who is married, whilst in a relationship with another. I have coveted what I cannot have and have broken society’s rules where carnal intimacy is concerned. But I don’t feel that love is a crime, nor that it is a sin.

Perhaps your feelings are something you could have talked to me about? Perhaps you could have counseled me on why my actions are perceived as “wrong” to you before you decided that I was no longer “good enough” to remain your friend? Don’t you think I value your input? Don’t you know that I regard your opinions highly and that I would hear you if you talked to me about what I have done, about things you can’t stand to know are being done by people you hold in such high regard? Don’t you think I would have benefitted from your insight, and perhaps you might have learned something from you talking this out with me?

I feel slightly cheated, as I did not feel you to be close-minded person before … I think our friendship might have grown had you talked to me before rashly determining me to be less than worthy of your amity.

While I personally have had people come into and out of my life at various times, I cannot say that I’ve ever felt the need to clearly nor definitively cut someone out of my life. And I've never truly sorted with people who have been a danger to me, so there's been no fear in that regard. People who "need not" be in my life have naturally left my life as life has naturally progressed. I value every friendship and relationship that I have had in my life, regardless of whether they were toxic at some point, whether the relationship caused me hurt or pleasure, or whether I agreed or disagreed with the other’s life choices, beliefs or other issues. I have – sometimes to my own detriment but sometimes also for the good of the other person – continued relationships which others would have walked away from, all because I believe firmly that this life is the one in which you are tested. And where I have tested myself, I have also been around to see others through their tests.

I believe that no man or woman is an island, and that each of us are put on Earth by a higher power to help one another through life and through all the trials we face during this existence. I believe that we are all helpmates to one another. In this belief, I have also taught myself that it is not my place to lay judgment on others, but rather to help. Even if it’s just lending an ear to bend, or a few dollars to help out, or giving my time to causes to help a greater good than my own --- there is nothing more righteous than the giving of myself to others. And sometimes that means I must give up my opinions, let go of my discomfort, and allow others to make their own mistakes. Wouldn’t it be wrong for me to not be around to help someone work through the trials of their life, just because I don’t agree with their choices? I know it is not a common practice among humankind to refrain from judgment, withhold opinions, or accept imperfection in others, but I try to practice this everyday and would only hope that others can do the same. It’s the most honest form of loving that I can give to my fellow man; I can only hope that others will learn to be able to love me equally in return.

To say that your love can’t count for much is discounting how much your love has meant to me in my life. However passing our friendship has been, however little we have known of each other “on the inside”, however few the special moments we have shared, you were always counted among my truest of friends. You have been one of the kindest, the sweetest, and the most patient people I have held close to my heart. It was one of the purest connections I have had with anyone – free from expectations, free from impure thought, free from judgment (or so I once thought). And I dare say that there was once a time when I returned the adoration that I perceive you once felt for me. As with other missed opportunities in my life, you will be counted in the “what if / if only / I wonder” category in retrospection.

So now, too, your disappointment, in some ways, equals the disappointment I also currently feel from your telling me that I am not wanted in your life as your friend. I once thought of you as a kindred spirit, one who was kind and accepting of others faults, knowing that there is good in everyone… but the blow of your plain expression of disapproval and statement of retracting your hand in friendship is one I never would have expected from you. I am heartbroken and sad for the loss of a friend over my love for another.

But, with all this said, I am also respectful of your decision. If my hurt has caused you such pain as for you to need to maintain a distance from me, then so be it. I will not contradict your wishes. I will miss you. I will miss your caring. I will miss your kindness. And I will miss our friendship. I will always love and care for you. And I will always hurt for what might have been.

Be well – I love you.

Fundamentally Angry

2008-10-27T16:54:00.003-07:00

I am tired of all the rhetoric, one-liners, and repeated speeches, over and over ad nauseum. Barack Obama tells everyone to “look” at his words when he answers questions and John McCain claims all Americans as “friends”. Obama’s running mate Joe Biden thinks everyone in the RNC is “out of touch” and spouts piffy sayings that his momma and/or daddy or some other relative "always said”. Oh! and the RNC’s poster girl, Governor Palin of Alaska, accents her speeches with “Now” - coupled with a wink or cheeky clicking sound - and then ends her sentences with “ya’ know?” (Okay, well, I jest some on that last part.) But SERIOUSLY folks!

Who here is with me on the point that all the buzzwords and canned speeches are just about enough to make you lose your lunch, for good?! I know I personally almost puked all over myself this weekend when I heard the same misleading one-liner statements coming from candidates that I had heard from different location speeches only a week ago (courtesy of POTUS 08 via XM satellite radio). Can we not just answer the questions of Americans’ concerns without all the broken record regurgitations and leave the recordings to the web and TV commercials folks, please?!

So, Americans are “angry” and there are a lot of issues on which the candidates differ “fundamentally”! I think that Joe the Plumber, Tito the Builder, Joe Six-Pack, all the hockey moms, and most importantly, you and I and every other average hard working low-, and middle-, and upper-class American are sick and tired of it all. We are FUNDAMENTALLY ANGRY that the people we elect to be our leaders abuse their positions, that politicians openly accept challenges to be transparent in their dealings but then make shady deals behind closed doors, and that our "representatives" just plain forget about the constituents they claim to advocate for (like ol' Mom and Pop and Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Q. Public) once they get into political office. I have had enough!

We Americans all grimace as we pay for gas at the pump, clip our coupons before we go grocery shopping, worry about how to pay for our kids’ college, work toward our retirement at our seemingly dead-end jobs, and still find ways to make today’s ends meet somehow. We each put our pants on, one leg at a time, after we’ve washed, dried, folded, and ironed them (probably sometime during a “day-off” most likely, between all the soccer games, dish-washing, house cleaning, bill-paying, et cetera that we squeeze into what little time off we get).

So how is Ohio any more important a stomping ground than Hawaii? Are Floridian’s “fundamental” issues any different than those in Utah? I personally would like to see my own candidate from Arizona show up in my back yard once in a while, rallying for his political cause and the cause of every American, regardless of whether my home state is a so-called “swing state” or not. Shouldn't each candidate make every American’s state, city, cause, issue, problem, industry, etc. the “battleground” on which to wage a political war? Aren't ALL Americans' futures at stake here?!

So here’s my rant in the form of an open letter to all the politicians out there, regardless of their proclaimed party affiliation:

Dear "friends” in Washington and in political positions at home and around the States:

Look! I - a middle class, white-collar American woman and soccer mom - am “angry” at YOU now! You are all - each and every one of you - “out of touch” with Americans.! Oh, and I’ve got news for you too… I know that Joe the Plumber is not your buddy, Joe Six-pack and his beer-drinkin’ brood was not sent an invitation to your last crème de la crème white-tie soirée, and you don’t live anywhere near Main Street. So, please spare us your claims of advocacy! Don’t proclaim or profess your knowledge or understanding of what worries me, what "fundamental" issues I face, or what makes me angry unless you have actually shown me that you have talked to me or people just like me on a regular and continuing basis. Get away from your political party meetings, your advisor lunches, your committee talks, and your campaign fundraiser events and get down to our level to talk one-on-one to Main Street Americans and hear about the issues they face. Better yet, abandon one of your eight houses or open your suburban mansion to the least of us! Step down from your soapbox, forget the caterer, wash your hands, roll up your sleeves and peel some potatoes – it’s time to break bread with a family struggling to get food to the table and keep money in the bank.

I remember a poem which I was forced to memorize in public elementary school, and I’ll share the most poignant portion of it again with you today, lest you have not read it yourself (for Mr. Smith you are not!):

"Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Whether directed to immigrants as they admired Lady Liberty from the boats as they approached Ellis Island in the past or to the modern American standing in line at the polls, Emma Lazarus spoke well of the “New Colossus” our country had become to the world. Yet, while our leaders allegedly hold the lamp to enlighten us and lead us to the gates of prosperity and through the foggy political community toward the greater good, I cannot help but feel like Hercule Poirot on the Orient Express. I am constantly confused by all the double-talk and muck-raking, digging around for facts and clues, yet never seeming to find out the real answer to the problem at hand – i.e., who is best qualified and has the clearest proposed solutions to the problems that Americans face in today’s world.

Perhaps, in time, there will be no “aisle” in Congress but a round table with everyone “present”, except when actually back home, talking to and consorting with their constituents. Or maybe I’ll learn how to read between the lines of all the “eloquent rhetoric” and “get” what politicians are really proposing, rather than having to suffer listening to the pundits and analysts interpretations. Or perhaps not, and I’ll continue living my American dream, all the while hanging on that "pipe dream" that "politics as usual" will ever come to an end? I would just like to really see one thing – anything! – at most basic “fundamental” level, change.

So, in summary - Take off the barn boots, give your speech writers a vacation, and get some new material folks! And look here, my friends! I, for one - as an angry fundamentalist - am ready at last for happy hour and some discounted appetizers. And, as my drunken daddy used to always say, “Where’s my beer” … ya know?

The Clutches of Time are Dark

2008-09-28T10:00:00.008-07:00

Early one morning, a little bird was sitting on the branch of a tree, singing sweetly its song. Suddenly it fell silent. It had seen Yama, the Lord of Death, go past and look towards it - in some sort of surprise. The bird was convinced that Yama had come for it.

In panic, it prayed to Garuda, the vehicle of Lord Vishnu, to save it.

Garuda appeared. Said the little bird: "Please save me. Carry me across the seven seas, to that little island. There I will be safe." "Hop on," the gracious Garuda responded, "and hold tight."

With a mighty swoosh of his wings, he lifted off, and flew westwards. The eight-foot span of his wings cleaved through the air, he climbed higher, and sped on, past the mountains, past the continents, past the seven seas. He flew non-stop, for almost eight hours.

Finally, he banked, and the little bird saw, nestled in a sea the colour of Pangong Tsu, a jewel of an island. Clothed in dark green, and rimmed by glistening white sand, the breakers danced on the sands in a great primordial rhythm. Crashing in, rippling up the beach and seeping back into the sea. In. Out. In. Out. "There!" said the little bird. "Let me off there." Garuda came low over the trees, and the little bird spread its little wings and launched itself into the cover of the forest. Safe, it thought.

When Yama returned from his morning round, he looked at the tree again. No bird. He said to his companion, "I was surprised to see the bird here this morning for I am scheduled to collect her this evening, at a place far, far away. In fact, it is a little island across the seven seas."

A person cannot control the "when" and "where" and "how" their physical life on earth might end. And like the story above, only "Yama" knows where and when you are "scheduled" to be collected.

Evidence of this became abundantly clear to me and my family a week and a half ago when my youngest brother's car was hit by a city bus. He has fortunately come a long way in a short time to recover since the accident, but the painful days after he came out of a coma and off life support caused many in our family to take time to pause and reflect.

My brother is one of those countless young men in the world who is full of potential. He decided to forego attending college immediately after finishing high school (early, I might add) and, instead, entered the work force and worked his way into a very good job, easily earning certifications, increased wages and the respect of his coworkers and supervisors. He is a bright and caring, quiet person, with much promise in store for him.

He left my home (where he rents a room from me) that evening, headed to work out at the gym after a long day at work. No one in my house remembers seeing him either come home or leave. It wasn't until a day and a half later that I received the call that he had been injured and that he was in the Trauma/ICU unit at the university hospital. (My brother's "in case of emergency" plan had not been put down anywhere, and the police were able to contact his grandmother, but then his father's family did not have all our information either, so it took a day to get through to mom and me.)

The particulars of the accident are not important. What is is the here and now afterward. There are a lot of details that will have to eventually be worked out to recover financially and logistically after the accident. But the fact that my brother is now walking, talking, posting blogs, text-messaging, using the phone, and vocalizing his wants and needs for himself can only be described as nearing a miracle. The human body's healing capacity is a wondrous thing to behold.

Don't be so proud and vain
for the clutches of time are dark
Nobody knows where it might strike
whether at home or outside!
Kabir ~ 15th century poet

In my life, I have learned a lot about life, and I am reminded:

Life as we know it is a fragile and brief existence.
In times of adversity, the human spirit is humbled by its own fragility, angry voices are silenced and cries of hope and love will be heard in the silence.
The balance of relationships can be tipped easily when not cared for and equalized when force and pressure is no longer applied.
Love is the ultimate defining and universal language.

My brother, in a moment of reflection, said to me, "I know it's not very manly, but I feel like I want to cry." My response to him was, "Of course you want to cry. It's only natural given what you've been through."

I personally will water the seeds of possibility for the future with my tears. I will look to the future, embracing the loves in my life, welcoming every new challenge, and working to acknowledge, yet let go of the anger that lurks under the surface.

“Hope is important

because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear.

If we believe that tomorrow will be better,

we can bear a hardship today.”

Thich Nhat Hahn

Another view on Iraq ~ An interesting movie

2008-09-19T21:48:00.004-07:00

Though there are certainly some graphics in the "Shock & Awe" portion of this video that I think were not appropriate for the narration that was being shown (and I certainly was impressed with the subliminal message they were attempting to convey simultaneously), I believe that some poignant thoughts, ideas and perspectives exist in the following video entitled, "Hijacking Catastrophe: 9/11, Fear and the Selling of American Empire", produced and created by Media Education Foundation.

I do not agree with everything that is discussed, necessarily, but you cannot help but ponder seriously the theories posited and the facts discussed.

Check it out and, as always, think and decide for yourself.

Solar-panel plant to open in Tucson

2008-09-15T14:36:00.003-07:00

Following is an article which appeared this last weekend in the Sunday edition of the Arizona Republic. To me, it's a positive step toward investigating alternative means of energy. But given the cost of the technology and the fact that the company is German-owned, what does this REALLY do for America, other than bringing jobs to the local economy? Do you think this product will be marked down for the underpaid workers who will work this plant?

Hmmmmph..........................................................

On to the article I guess.
__________________________________________________________________

Solar-panel plant to open in Tucson
Subsidiary of German manufacturing company Solon

CATHRYN CRENO
The Arizona Republic
Link to original article: http://www.azcentral.com/business/articles/2008/09/14/20080914biz-solar0914-ON.html

A Tucson subsidiary of a German solar manufacturing company says it will open a 105,000-square-foot factory in the southern Arizona city next month and create 200 green-collar jobs in Arizona by the end of 2009.

Solon Corp. , a subsidiary of Solon AG in Berlin, said it will manufacture individual photovoltaic solar modules that go on the roofs of buildings as well as larger systems the company says can operate as self-sufficient solar-energy power plants.

"We have been very low-profile," said Neil Shea, director of business development and marketing for Solon Corp. "Not a lot of people know about us yet. But this business is very growth-oriented. There are going to be a lot of good jobs in it in the future."

He said the factory will open at 6950 S. Country Club Road in Tucson on Oct. 17.

In June, the Greater Phoenix Economic Council said that Arizona would miss out on more than 3,800 new jobs, $2.3 billion in investment and $732 million in state and local revenues in the next decade because nine solar companies last year could have come here but elected to settle in other states.

Solar companies are coveted in areas that are losing semiconductor jobs. GPEC said the number of Arizonans working for semiconductor and related manufacturers has dropped from about 34,000 in 2001 to about 22,000 in 2007.

Both candidates in this year's presidential election are pushing alternative-energy sources. They also advocate creation of what politicians have been calling green-collar jobs.

Shea, who worked in the semiconductor industry before getting interested in solar, said Solon arrived in Arizona in 2007 and opened a smaller temporary factory in Tucson that spring. He said the company now employs about 100 people who make solar panels for use in Germany as well as in the U.S. He said he expected the new factory to employ 200 by the end of 2009.

Solon has owned part of Tucson-based Global Solar Energy Inc. since 2006. That company also makes solar panels, but uses a different manufacturing process to create lightweight flexible products said to be portable enough to be used by campers and the military.

Shea said Solon intends to target larger customers such as municipalities, schools and companies that want enough panels to be energy self-sufficient. He said Solon does not sell solar panels directly to individual homeowners but would instead supply them to a company that outfits homes with systems.

Shea said the Tucson factory's customers include the Salt River Project, Sulphur Springs Valley Electric Cooperative Inc. in southern Arizona, Tucson Electric Power Co. and Blue Ridge High School in Lakeside. The school ordered solar modules to generate power on top of a covered parking structure.

A Little Political Humor: Lewis Black's HBO Special - "Red White & Screwed"

2008-09-14T18:47:00.007-07:00

Let's face it.... this political season (all TWO FREAKIN' YEARS OF IT!) has got even the sanest of Americans weary of the back and forth, the mud-slinging, the rhetoric and snippy sound bytes. So, I (being heavily among the weary) went in search of a little intelligent political humor. And it never fails, Lewis Black appeared on my radar.

Herein I share the YouTube generation's contribution to the information highway. It'll take you about an hour to watch all six parts, and keep in mind that some of the breaks are a little awkward, but have fun watching. I did.

Then when you're done and have tired even further of political humor, do a search for Jeff Dunham's "Spark of Insanity" clips. You're guaranteed to laugh your ass off, sans the political humor.

Part 1 of 6

Part 2 of 6

Part 3 of 6

Part 4 of 6

Part 5 of 6

Part 6 of 6

Politics: Just another Animal Farm (in America)

2008-09-10T08:31:00.010-07:00

"Lipstick on a pig"
"Good ol' boys network"
The “Race” card
Swift-boat politics
Change is needed vs. Change is coming

It's just another day at the farm. The political farm, that is. From the left we get verbal gaffes, from the right you get shock and snappy retorts. From the right you get canned speeches, from the left you get more and more preached rhetoric. It's like watching mules play ping-pong at the local county fair. With all the muck-raking and mud-slinging going on, it's hard to smell the Kettle Korn. All that’s missing are some yodelers in lederhosen.

I recently played the audiobook of "Animal Farm" by George Orwell for my kids to listen to. All the while they listened intently to the entire story, forcing me to play it where we last left off every time we got into the car to go anywhere. I had originally read and analyzed the book when I was their ages, and so I felt they were old enough to possibly dig into the allegorical nature of the story. I am not sure they really did. Nevertheless, they were entertained, and they did get a bit of understanding of the concepts of utopia, equality and revolution, but it was difficult to for them to comprehend the underlying message of the short story as it relates the history of pre-WWII Soviet totalitarianism. How could they possibly understand the historical significance of Cold War and the related ideas of socialism or communism, when all the buzz words they've heard in the past five years have been about Hussein, bin Laden, war and terrorism, oil and global warming? In time, though, they'll learn more about world history, politics and world wars, and we'll re-visit the book again, if they don't get the opportunity in school.

And all that is going on today reminds me of that book. All this talk about "lipstick on pigs" and all the preaching and rhetoric of "change is needed" and "change is coming" -- I wonder what allegorical novella will be written about American politics in days to come. What farm animals will they come up with portray Kennedy or Nixon, Reagan or Carter, Bush Sr. and GW, and Ma and Pa Clinton? Or will it be more like a Disney cartoon or comic book? Obama with his big ears looking like Dopey of the Seven Dwarves, and Hillary with her pantsuits and big Batman-nemesis plastic Joker smile? Bill with his Big Mac and fat cat cigar in a big ol’ Boss Hogg style horned Cadillac and Dan Quayle with broccoli for a boutonnière? I can see Reagan and GW riding the prairie with ten-gallon Stetsons atop their heads, and Kennedy hot-rodding down the Mass Pike in a James Dean style Porsche Boxster, with Marilyn’s gold lamée dress caught in the door on the passenger side, with no sight of the rest of her body visible through the window.

And that’s no doubt just about exactly how the world sees the Hollywoodesque politics of America. And who can blame them? It’s almost too amazing to watch to not have been a work of fiction. Obama’s celebrity rise into the history books as the first black American candidate for president - McCain’s gut-wrenching real-life story of heroically surviving a harrowing Vietnamese POW camp – Sarah’s appearance from political nowhere straight to a shotgun tiara-wearing ride on the Straight Talk Express down the Alaska Highway to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue -- You can’t make up stuff better than this.

But what of the real issues of the American voters? Where has the real purpose of representative democracy gone? What has become of the talk of issues like economy and equality, education and health, employment and patriotism? In the middle of all the glitz and glamour, beyond Sarah’s signature specs and Cindy’s flashy bling, Michelle’s misspoken matter of pride and Joe’s “hot wife”, where is the talk about the stuff that really affects Americans?

Now, after 18 long months of celebrity appearances, snappy and rowdy speeches, and millions of dollars worth of banners and conventions and balloons, we know WHO is on the ticket now for each side. FINALLY we are where we should be getting to the meat of each candidate’s platforms. But we’re not. It’s more of the mud and ping-pong war between the “Truth Squad” versus “Obama-Nation.”

Enough already! I want to hear about WHAT “change” they each propose and what it will cost me, as a taxpayer. HOW do these candidates plan to change my life, and for the better? WHEN will all this change take place? And WHERE do they each envision we are going to be as a nation long after they’ve “changed” America and they’ve moved on to dedicating their Presidential libraries, filled with books and artwork and memoirs of their accomplishments? I don’t want to hear it from their speech writers, or read it on the propagandist websites or see it on YouTube, I want to hear it “straight from the horse’s mouth.” This animal is listening; So, Mr. Obama and Mr. Biden, Mr. McCain and Mrs. Palin – start your braying and let’s see if it sounds like “change” after all. Earn my vote with what counts, Real Answers.

Sarah Palin is the noose around McCain's political neck - AKA Insult Me Some More '08

2008-09-02T23:49:00.005-07:00

I am smack dab in the middle of the demographic of middle-class, educated, independent-minded women that the Republicans (and Democrats) currently seek to court. And in response to their mistaken impression that the Hillary-loving masses have been slapped in the ass hard enough by the Obama-gods that these intelligent though oft-times vocally rabid voting women will about-face and turn their votes to the "dark side" in response to Hill's failure to win the nomination, the Republican "smarty-pants" have brought inexperienced, backwoods, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to the ticket to fight the conservative fight alongside our infamous Arizona political maverick, John McCain? I, for one, am insulted. A vice-presidential candidate has never been a "make it or break it" deal for me, but the spit in the eye of what seems to be the "spoonful of sugar" to help the stale old Republican political "medicine go down", is utterly disgusting to me.

Now don't get me wrong... I am not on the front lines of the Democratic Party's political battle. I am not one to be counted among the flock of Kool-aid drinkin' Obama lovin' sheep. Even as eloquently as he spoke during his recent nomination acceptance speech at the DNC convention in Denver, I will never vote for Barack Hussein Obama (AKA "God/Allah's Answer to All Our Prayers"). His communist/socialistic tendencies are all too reminiscent of the early rantings from our island neighbor/dictator to the south, Fidel Castro, for my taste. Couple this with Obama's rise from relative political and managerial Nowhere-land, I can't stomach the idea of this radically liberal "poster boy for change" leading the American people, like Moses from the Bible stories, out of wandering from the desert of despair which has come to exist on the social, moral, legal, and economic landscape of today's American society. But Sarah Palin as our country's wingman to the president, face of American women, ambassador to the world, leader of our legislative branch?! Are you freakin' kidding me?!

Sarah Palin is proclaimed to be a skilled moose hunter and avid ice-fisherwoman. She is the high-school sweetheart wife to a "superstar" Alaskan snow-mobiler and a loving mother of five children: ranging from an adult son serving honorably in our military to a 4 month old newborn afflicted with Down's Syndrome. I have to admit she isn't all that hard on the eyes and I'll be damned if she doesn't look like she just walked off the set having nabbed the role of some "Hot For Teacher" babe in an 80s rock music video. But does Sarah Palin's résumé really do well to balance out the Republican argument against Obama's obvious lack of solid and proven experience to qualify himself to lead our nation, which has always been McCain's ringer retort?

Even Obama was smart enough to go along with the DNC money-wielding politicos to pick a VP candidate with experience. Joe Biden got his start in Washington politics while Obama was probably still a pimple-popping, wave-surfing, binge-drinking, pot-smoking preteen back in Hawaii (even if it does scream "bullshit!" at his own "time for change" mantra). And so, the RNC's response is what?! Our 70-something year-old straight-talking and venerated war hero is paired up with the gun-toting beauty queen with heart of gold and a redneck brood of kids to go with it. I'll bet the National Enquirer is standing in the streets of the town of Wasilla (a small town, east of Anchorage - population approximately 8500 – where, as mayor, Palin "cut her teeth on the political polls" before becoming governor) just drooling at the chance to pay a measly $10,000 to the first toothless wonder in exchange for any viable yet juicy tidbit about the virtually unknown Sarah "Annie Oakley" Palin.

Sarah Palin, though seemingly a well-rounded and well-spoken "All American Girl" from what little us "Lower 48-ers" know and have heard from her, is NOT my idea of a viable and experienced running mate to ANY candidate for president, regardless of party affiliation, nor should she be slated to be considered the voice of the intelligent, middle-class American woman.

I, too, lived in the Last Frontier for a time myself. After driving over 4,000 miles of treacherous road from my home in Arizona, I lived in Alaska long enough:
- to earn a decent wage, making nearly double in one year than I had in the previous year in Arizona doing the same job, and pay off some bills, even despite the increased cost of living;
- to take out a fishing pole and troll for salmon with my two daughters in a small boat along the glacial silt-filled rivers and fjords, surrounded by majestic snow-capped mountains;
- to wonder at the moose trolling around among the residential neighborhoods and city streets in Alaska's largest city (which swelled to a "whopping" 250,000 or so people during mid-summer);
- to be cautious enough when venturing out exploring into the vast forests and mountains to remember to bring along a shotgun and plenty of ammunition (aware of the presence of hungry bears);
- to endure (as a desert rat accustomed to 60-70 degree Christmases) one of the harshest winters the city of Anchorage had seen in years;
- to escape death just before Thanksgiving with only nine staples to my scalp and a cracked kneecap, injured when my vehicle slid backwards, downhill, about 100 yards, then rolled over and landed upside down in a ditch in the icy, snow-filled mountainside;
- to learn first-hand, working for a reputable law firm, about the ins and outs of the oil industry (as much from the big oil perspective as from the environmentalist's perspective) and fishing industry;
- and to get a literal "bird's eye's view" of the landscape and throngs of wolves, and caribou, and bears which outnumber humans so greatly in the vast and great last frontier;

But none of this translates to experience to stand toe-to-toe with political heads-of-state of foreign governments and to preside over our legislature or to possibly step in as Leader of the Free World and Commander-in-Chief of our military (should any ill fate happen upon our elderly statesman McCain, while possible serving as President), does it?

Picking Sarah Palin to try and bolster the conservative agenda is political suicide for the Republicans and for any chance that the so-called conservatives might have had to keep Obama from "preaching his way into the White House" with his socialist rhetoric, and letting the deep pockets of the MoveOn-type Libs get a final stranglehold over our nation.

The Dems are getting at what some people at first, undoubtedly, thought HAD to be a joke when "The Mav" made the announcement on Friday of "his" VP pick. The gossip train has been given all the fuel it needs to grind it's way right over McCain's pasty and war-scarred back, right on into the Metro station closest to Michelle Obama's freshly painted, pretty, new WhiteBlack House.

I sat at work today, surrounded by the jabbering of the liberal, elitist, cream-of-the-crop, well-educated and highly overpaid lawyers that I work with (actually for, since we "pee-ons" who actually do most of the work they take credit for are truly not, nor ever will be, equal to them). These same persons who sell their souls daily to represent big business all in the name of the mighty dollar that they earn as a result, while piously preaching and seething about their rich clients' injustices on the world and "everyday, little man" behind their backs, were giddy and excited today in their chatter about McCain and the RNC's choice of Sarah Palin for the Republican VP running mate. And who can blame them for their exuberance?

Palin has brought with her to the Republican stage:
- a political scandal of allegations of abuse of power while having only been Governor of Alaska since 2006;
- a very, very, very short list of political "accomplishments" before her current gubernatorial position, including beating out a Republican "political giant" who had faced some scandal of his own and being the mayor of a very small town;
- and a baby sadly afflicted with Down's Syndrome, which might not be hers, but actually her grandchild, born from her 17-year-old daughter, now pregnant (again?) out of wedlock.

I am sure the Enquirer will find something more for the Dems to complete their "wet dream" with. Regardless of what truth any of the produced gossip might actually bear, I cannot argue with the "oh-My-GOSH" truth of the fact that Sarah Palin has got to be the most ridiculous choice that the Republicans could have pushed McCain to endorse. Mitt Romney with his painted face, plastered hair and strict Mormon conservative base would have at least helped to lock in the conservative vote, regardless of any of the differences between the former presidential hopeful and his previous rival, now nominated candidate/victor, John McCain. But a "Beauty and the Beast" ticket? What the hell is the RNC thinking?

As a woman, I am insulted. I cannot and will not stupidly chant the party's spin on this one. I am an independent, intelligent and VOTING woman. I vote in every election cycle, even when there isn't a presidential position at stake. I take my daughters to stand in line at the polls while I wait, sometimes hours, to make my mark and complete my civic duty. I try to teach them of the importance of having a vote and in taking a stance on issues important to our everyday lives and putting people into office to represent the common good. But in thinking that Sarah Palin is the answer to bring in the "minority" woman's vote they are attempting to court in the wake of Hillary's sunken hopes for the first woman to steer the American ship from the helms of the Oval Office (well, from behind, not below the desk, anyhow) – the Republicans have got their read on American women all wrong this time, baby! They should re-draw the Republican Party's mascot elephant's ass with a big ole' Democratic Donkey hoof-print on it now. Shit! I'd even give Monica Lewinsky credit for more experience than I would Sarah Palin. (But Ms. Altoids wears blue, and not red, so I guess she couldn't have made it to the Republican short list, could she?)

Sarah Palin should gracefully bow out now while the "gettin' is good", and none of us would fault her for it. Sad as it is to say it, the rigors of a campaign trail, as they choke on Obama's dust in the polls and as the Obama lovin' media rips her and her family's still somewhat good name to shreds, will prove to be too much for the Alaska girl and her December romance hero in the end. Mrs. Palin needs to go home and earn her stripes before this intelligent, All American girl will even think to stand in line and consider her worthy of the No. 2 spot in my nation's government. She should go home and take care of that sweet baby who is going to be challenged enough in his lifetime, without the added difficulty of missing some very crucial bonding time early on, and go encourage that 17-year-old daughter to put down the fishing pole, and press forward, baby in tow, to complete a college education so that she can adequately support herself and unborn child in the future, head held high. Mrs. Palin, go sit down in the Governor's mansion and listen to your state's workers and citizens to learn about the challenges of governing from all angles, from top to bottom.

A pretty face and some pretty rhetoric, even if touted and paraded by the likes of Hannity and Rush, will not stupify this independent woman into "plugging my nose and voting McCain". I'll not be placing my vote for President this year - Not if I have the choice of Old Man McCain and his lovely assistant, What's Her Name versus Barack Hussein Obama and his unproud, American wife and white-haired friend Joe, who has a sad case of verbal diarrhea from time to time. I'd rather eat glacial silt for breakfast. I’ll let the dogs just fight this one out without me this time.

Now… where's my TiVo remote? That 30-second fast forward button might be just enough to bypass those "I'm Dodo Bird, and I approve this message" ads and get to those really cool Geico gecko and caveman commercials and the next season’s episodes of Heroes. That should keep the bile down and me entertained at least until it's time for the World Series, when I can start ranting again about overpaid, steroid-junkie athletes again.

“Youth ages. Immaturity is outgrown. Ignorance can be educated and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever.” - Aristophanes , 5th Century B.C., Greek comic

So I am a Special Needs Parent

2007-07-25T13:46:00.004-07:00

I've always pretty much known that my older daughter, Kaitlyn, has been a special kid.
> She cried non-stop pretty much for days just after I brought her home from the hospital. Colic and constant constipation and tantrums would plague the early years to follow....
> She was walking, no- running!, at 11 months old, well ahead of most of the other babies her age.... with a huge pregnant-again mommy chasing right behind her every step of the way as she dodged in and out of hiding places all the time.
> When she was less than a year old, she would meticulously line up her toys in order of size, and then freak out if you so much as moved them out of order or attempted to play with any of them without her prompting....
> I was always the one with the kid who couldn't/wouldn't sit still when you went out in public, bouncing on restaurant seats, pouting out loud about being bored and always wanting something other than what was being offered, and then would throw an absolute tantrum fit if you tried to leave, even though it was more than evident that she didn't seem to want to be there.
> She grunted and growled and spit and barked at teachers and other kids and was labeled as "problem child" and "unable to play well with others" early on.
> Now, she sometimes picks at herself, bangs her head on the desk or table and goes off into another world with a glazed look on her face if she's not interested in something or doesn't want to do something that has been asked of her.

All of these things pointed to one conclusion all along - Kaitlyn has special needs.
She is on medication that I feel is incorrect for what is really going on, but through the hassles and struggles of divorced parenting, her father and I are unable to see eye to eye long enough to seek out multiple opinions from the right people to get it straightened out. School life, though Kaitlyn is evidently articulate and intelligent, is a constant battle of missed assignments, daily behavior issues, and worries about whether another phone call is coming about something that happened that could jeopardize her inclusion in 'normal' school. Kaitlyn, herself, doesn't like that it seems that none of what is being done does any good. She tells me she feels like she doesn't have control, and she knows that she pretty much doesn't. She has a very, very difficult time making, let alone keeping, friends. All of this has been a difficult road for her thusfar, and is harder still on a girl her age - 11 years old - and fast approaching (the already difficult for 'normal' kids) teenage years.

And beyond all this, there are some very beautiful and wondrous things about my daughter, my firstborn, my blood, the first to call me Mommy....
She is honest to a tee.... She loves animals and has a way with them that reveals a huge and giving heart, despite her sometimes rough and seemingly selfish persona.... She sees life through an artist's eye - everything is vibrant, and colorful - and she is able to put pen to paper and create some of the most amazing drawings, even from a young age she was able to correctly define and draw the musculature of a horse in motion (her then favorite animal of all)... She is my first child - and will always have a special place in my heart for that at least, as well as the many, many other things that are unique to her....

But now I struggle again to find love for myself and to provide a happy and stable environment for my daughters on my own - Single again.
I want nothing more than to be a good example and positive influence in their lives. More than once I have had relationships with men, usually not parents themselves, who cannot find it in their hearts to be able to understand, let alone cope, with being around a child who requires such special attention - leaving me heartbroken and dejected. Hell, there are days I even wonder how the heck I can continue on as a parent on my own... even though their father and I share the tasks as divorced parents.... and be able to find love and companionship for myself despite my struggles...

So all of these challenges, I think, should qualify me, and other parents like me, as a "'special needs parent", if we were to be given a 'diagnosis' of our own. Shouldn't we have special ADA accomodations too??
As I have been especially reflecting on my role as a parent, mother, and woman (after yet another of the aforementioned heartbreak episodes), I have been searching for relief for my own struggles in handling ... reading up on new ways to handle parenting, let alone being a parent to a special kid like Kaitlyn ... and found the following excerpt with affirmations for the parents of these special kids... which I feel a strong desire to pass on and share, let alone keep for my own constant reaffirmation....... (I think I'll have to post them on my refrigerator at home or somewhere handy to remind myself from time to time that I have to take care of me too - not just the kids, the animals, the house, the men in my life, my friends, my family, and all the other 'obligations' around me....)

And for those who may not quite be able to relate because you're not a parent yourself -
I hope you can at least begin to appreciate the parents around you - your own parents, your friends who are so blessed to be parents, your coworkers who have to come and go from work to tend to familial obligations from time to time, leaving you to cover for them, the half-crazed mother in the grocery store trying to navigate a grocery cart and somehow manage to do the shopping all the while tending to a screaming, nagging child, etc., etc., etc....

(Feel free to pass this on... I'll be posting the excerpt in a bulletin too for ease in sharing and for those who don't take the time to read blogs)...

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TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS PARENT (AND EVERY OTHER PARENT TOO!) - KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THE FOLLOWING:

YOU ARE STRONG. How often has it happened — an acquaintance hears your story or sees your child and says, "I'm not as strong as you. I could never deal with all the things you deal with." And you shake your head modestly, and brush it off, and maybe even feel a little condescended to. But you know what? They're right. You're strong. You're facing things that the average parent doesn't even want to imagine, and you're handling them. Whether you were strong to begin with or had strength thrust upon you by necessity, you're one strong parent, one strong person. Your family needs that strength, your children thrive on it. You may wish you never had to be so strong. But appreciate that strength now. It makes you special. Capable. A force to be reckoned with.

YOU ARE AN EXPERT. "Listen to us. We're the experts." Doctors, therapists, social workers, educators — with their degrees and expertise, they may make you feel like your role in any discussion is merely to nod your head and sign off on their suggestions. But you're an expert, too. They may know everything about most children or the average child, but you know everything about the child in question. You have an advanced degree in raising your child, a textbook's worth of knowledge about his or her specific and individual needs and habits and progress and struggles. Because every child is different and differences determine treatment, yours is the most important voice in any discussion. There's no specialist more special than you.

YOU ARE A GOOD PARENT. There may be people in your life who would tell you different. Your discipline seems too strict, or too lax. You don't shuttle your child to all the right activities. You're not pushing her to be at the top of her class — happy and passing is a pretty good goal. Sometimes he acts up in church or melts down at the mall, and you feel those judgmental stares. You may hear that you're causing your child's problems, or handling them all wrong. But you know your child better than anybody. You know what works; you know what he can handle; you create an environment in which she can be successful. Doing what's best for your child, without worrying what others might think — isn't that just what any good parent would do?

YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Your child's progress might not be that easy to see on a day-to-day basis, but when you reflect from time to time on how far he or she has come, give yourself some credit: Would that progress have happened if you hadn't been planning, praying, pushing for it? Everything you do for your child — every appointment, every therapy, every intervention, but also every smile, every hug, every conversation — makes a difference. But you're also making a difference in the world. Every time you give information about your child's disability to an educator, you make a difference for the next child. Every time you give advice in a support group or online forum, you make a difference for that parent and family. You are a force for good.

YOU DESERVE RESPECT. Goodness knows, you may not get it. There may be days when you feel Rodney Dangerfield had nothing on you. You may even decide that getting respect is not a battle you choose to fight, or something that's necessary for getting things done. But just because respect is not forthcoming doesn't mean it isn't due. You are deserving of respect for your parenting skills, your knowledge about your children and their needs, your tireless efforts on their behalf, your faith and love in the face of tremendous challenges. If there are people in your life — whether professionals or family members — who don't pay you the proper respect, know that the shortcoming is theirs, not yours. Meanwhile, make sure you're paying yourself plenty.

YOU TRY HARD. "Try hard and do your best." That's what you tell your children, and you're happy with whatever they're able to accomplish. You understand that perfection, or even an average level of achievement, is legitimately beyond their grasp, and you offer endless inspiration and encouragement. But how often do you give yourself the same credit? Parenting is hard work. Parenting a child with special needs is harder. You can't always know the right answer. You can't always make the right judgment. Mistakes are built into the job. Like your child, you will not always have the information or the ability or the skills necessary to perform perfectly. It's unfair to expect that you will. You try hard, and you do your best. That's enough. That's everything.

YOU HAVE A MISSION. Many people spend their whole lives wondering what their purpose is, whether they have a greater calling, something bigger than themselves. You don't have to wonder: You know the answer every time you look at your child. Helping your precious one reach his or her fullest potential — pursuing treatments, fighting for diagnoses, battling on behalf of your child's rights — can become a personal crusade, and a particularly fulfilling one. But even the little things, like helping your son through a hard day or a tricky homework problem, or finding a way to calm or comfort your daughter, are often enough to make you feel like you were put on earth for a reason. You need never ponder what your life is good for. You're a mom or a dad with a mission.

YOU HAVE SUPERPOWERS. So maybe you're not Spiderman (though wouldn't those webs come in handy sometimes?) You still have senses and abilities far more developed than those of the average parent. Your senses tingle when something is wrong with your child, long before anybody else notices a difference. With your X-ray vision, you see through inaccurate diagnoses and inadequate treatments; with your superior strength, you blast through red tape and past ineffectual bureaucrats to get your child what he or she needs; with your lightning speed, you swoop in to keep your child out of trouble. Like many a superhero, you can't always explain to mere mortals how you know what you know. But as Peter Parker himself learned, with great power comes great responsibility.

YOU ARE BLESSED. It may feel more like a curse sometimes, but having a child with special needs brings with it abundant opportunities for grace. It slows you down and allows you to enjoy the little things — a calm quiet day, a hard-won skill, a spontaneous hug, a pleasant conversation. Where other parents are driven to find their children's success in high grades and high scores on the playing field, you are granted the privilege of focusing on the things that really matter, teaching your children how to love and care and communicate on the most basic level. You know what's important, and because you're not caught up in trivialities you are able to appreciate that so much more deeply. Miracles happen every day, if you only know where to look for them.

YOU ARE RESOURCEFUL. You've had to learn how to do research and find information and get services and understand what specialists are talking about. You've had to improvise ways to calm your child down, help your child learn, get your child to sleep or eat or talk or use the potty. You don't wait around for the answers to come to you — you've learned through hard experience that if you don't go out and find them, nothing's ever going to get done. That makes you sort of a parenting MacGyver, able to solve problems on the fly with a mix of instinct, insight and ingenuity. Even when things seem most overwhelming, you start figuring out a solution, calling on all your resources — and you're quick to offer yourself as a resource when other parents need inspiration.

YOU DESERVE A BREAK. Even God took a day of rest. Yet you feel guilty if you allow any time for yourself. Sit down with a book, sleep a little late, stop for a cup of coffee, and that voice in the back of your head is liable to go into overdrive with alerts about all the things you should be doing, all the problems you should be worrying about. That untiring motivation and determination are a large part of your effectiveness as a parent of a child with special needs, but that doesn't mean you don't have a right — even a responsibility — to turn it off every now and then. You will be of no good to anybody if you hit the wall of mental and physical exhaustion. Charging up your batteries every now and then with some good old selfish "me" time helps you keep that spark.

YOU'RE A GOOD LEARNER. There have been many changes in your life since you became a parent of a child with special needs, and one of them has undoubtedly been your reading list. You plow through books on your child's disability or special-needs parenting, looking for answers and inspiration. Sometimes even books written for professionals will turn up on your night table. As much as you learn from books, you also learn from watching your child — what works and what doesn't, what causes a reaction and what stops it. Through your daily efforts at educating yourself about anything and everything that can help your child, you've earned a life-experience degree in neurology, physiology, psychology. And you learn something new every day.

YOU ARE GROWING. If there were growth charts for parents of children with special needs, the first percentile would represent shock, denial, doubt in your ability to handle such an overwhelming challenge. Maybe, at one time, you were off the bottom of that particular chart. But with time, you passed that first percentile, then the fifth, growing a little steadier, then the tenth, growing a little stronger. Somewhere around the 50th percentile, you found acceptance of your child's disabilities; around the 60th, the ability to enjoy your child's unique gifts. As you grow in knowledge of and advocacy for your child's special needs, you are growing in other ways, too — in patience, in tolerance, in spirituality. There may be plateaus and fallbacks, but your personal growth is nonetheless dazzling.

YOU ARE LOVING. But you understand that love means more than hearts and flowers and candy and pretty words. Love may be enough to move mountains, but it helps if you push, too. Loving your child with special needs means working, fighting, struggling, advocating, teaching, training, modifying, guessing, trying, trying again, analyzing, modifying, accommodating, managing, seeking, pursuing, researching, realizing all the many, many things you need to do to help your child and making sure they're done. There may be hugs and kisses and "thank you"s and ruffly cards and candy hearts along the way, or there may be frustration and isolation and heartache. But your love is stronger than all of that. And somehow, some way, your child will love you for it.

YOU ARE UNDERSTANDING. Maybe you never realized how important it is to have a truly understanding friend until you had a child with special needs, and found so many friends to be unable to reach out and give you the support you needed. Whether they couldn't deal with your changed circumstances, sympathize with your problems, keep from hurtful judging, or allow you child to associate with theirs, some of the people who were once important in your life may have fallen away because at the very deepest level, they were unable to understand. It's made you value those who are always there for you, unconditionally, without agenda. And it's helped you to be a much more understanding parent, family member and friend yourself.

YOU ARE TOUGH. Those wimps on "Survivor" have nothing on you. "Outwit - Outplay - Outlast" could be your motto, whether you're dealing with manipulative children, uncooperative educators, unresponsive insurance companies, unsympathetic family members, therapists who refuse to listen and doctors who don't seem to care. You stay focused, you develop your strategies, you form alliances, and you do what needs to be done. Because you are understanding and caring and loving, people may mistake you for a pushover. You may even prefer cooperation and compromise to force and subterfuge. But that doesn't mean you don't have the latter two weapons at your disposal. Your other motto? "Whatever works."

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. Don't you? If not, you know how to make it look like you do. A little confidence goes a long way, and you can always fake it 'til you make it. The more you do, the more you realize that even the so-called "experts" are mostly just guessing and making it look good. Why shouldn't your guess be as good as theirs? When it comes to parenting children with special needs, there are no hard-and-fast correct answers and smart moves, and trial and error is a perfectly acceptable method for finding solutions that work. The only thing worse than making a mistake is not making an effort. So even if you're doing the wrong thing, you're doing the right thing. See? You did know what you were doing after all.

YOU ARE TALENTED. Maybe you can sing or dance or paint or write; maybe not. But you are talented in ways most people never imagine. With no particular training, you can calm an uncontrollable child, teach an unteachable one, create new disciplinary strategies on the fly and improvise therapeutic activities. Like a master playwright, you weave scenarios for games of pretend; like an award-winning actor, you teach emotions with facial expressions, motor skills with sweeping gestures, a love for literature with dramatic book readings. You may not be an artist, but you can instantly recognize the subject matter in even the most abstract crayon scribblings or stick-figure action. Your talent may go largely unheralded, but it's hardly unappreciated.

YOU HAVE GOOD INSTINCTS. You know what you know, and nobody can convince you otherwise. You may trust other people's opinions, but you trust yours the most, and when you've gone against your instincts you've regretted it. You understand your child better than your child understands him or herself, and that puts all the weight of decision-making and behavior monitoring on your shoulders. But you're up to the challenge. Although you may second-guess yourself, your first impressions are usually right on the money. You've worked to make that so, by educating yourself about your child's issues, filtering the words of experts through your personal experience, and learning from what works and what doesn't. You go with your gut, but your gut is golden.

YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. There are many who would prefer you to sit down and shut up (including, sometimes, your child), but it is both your right and your responsibility to speak up. Your perspective is valuable, and without it mistakes may be made, misunderstandings may abound, misinterpretations may stand. Speaking out doesn't necessarily make you popular, and getting people to listen and to take you at your word can be a challenge, but you know that the consequences of polite silence — for your child, for your family, for other children and families who have no voice — are far more dangerous than getting a reputation for being a big mouth and a troublemaker. Sit down and shut up? Sure — after you've given everybody an earful.

YOU ARE A REALIST. Say that like it's a good thing. You don't waste a lot of time agonizing over whether your toddler will get into the right college or your grade-schooler is getting enough science to succeed in med school or your high-schooler is making the right business contacts. You're more in touch with reality than that — you know that what really counts is whether your child is happy, and functioning, and moving forward. Whatever plans and dreams you may have once had for your child, you've been forced to replace them with ones more appropriate to his or her own personal abilities and interests, strengths and limitations. That's something every parent should do, but so many never attempt, often with heartbreaking results. You've gotten the heartbreak part over early.

YOU ARE INFORMED. It takes you by surprise sometimes how little other parents pay attention to the information and issues that you are so concerned with. You hear about kids falling further and further behind in school because their parents don't advocate for them; you look at a roomful of children and find yourself diagnosing problems that nobody else seems to even recognize. Others may think you're obsessed, but your children benefit from your efforts to know all you can about everything from their educational rights to the latest advances in medicine to trendy theories on learning and behavior management. Being informed helps you make knowledgeable decisions — and hold your own in conversations with smarty-pants professionals.

YOU ARE NOT LAZY. You can't afford to be. But because you put greater emphasis on your child's emotional health than on academic excellence, extracurricular activities, or a perfectly kept home, some folks may find your parenting insufficiently rigorous. You know better. You know that a day spent at home bonding over books or board games is more valuable than a day spent racing from event to event. You know that for some children, learning how to solve a story problem or decode a sentence can be as monumental an achievement as making the honor roll. You know that just getting through the day with no major disasters is a pretty big accomplishment right there. If that makes people think you're lazy, so be it. You save your energy for what's important.

~ Excerpt taken from Love Notes for Special Parents, by Terri Mauro - Source: http://specialchildren.about.com/od/needinspiration/a/lovenotes_3.htm?p=1, ...p=2, ...p=3, ...p=4, ...p=5 (spelling errors omitted)
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So - in parting - I admonish every reader of this blog -

Love the parents around you... And Love the parent in you
Try to step into the shoes of a parent for a while... Understand that you were a child once too (and some still haven't grown up or matured completely even into their 40s and 50s) and that your parents had the same struggles too, even if not to the advance degree that a "special needs parent" has per se.... Help them where you can - even if it's helping them to do laundry or round the kids up and herding the strays in a public place....

Every little bit of love shown to the parents, and to the kids, around us helps to build the community and generation of tomorrow, today.

The Weather Forecast - Suitable for chit-chat?

2006-02-17T11:20:00.002-07:00

I have numerous friends around the country, each of whom will remain nameless - of course, who insist on discussing the weather with me every time we talk. Is there really nothing more that we can talk about? I mean, in passing, I can understand a brief chat about it.... but really!!

I live in southern Arizona. In the summer, it's a safe bet to say it'll be so hot that you'd swear it was the closest to patting the devil on the back that you can get to above ground... and in the winter, you know it's also pretty clear that nearly 80% of our days are spent with clear blue skies and "no jacket required" temps.

But, to talk about it every time? My take on the local weather man? Waste of money. Look outside for cryin' out loud! It's the only job a person can have and be wrong all the time, and keep your job, no problem. And if you really need to know the weather for your occupation (like landscapers, farmers, construction workers, HVAC sales/repairmen), look at what's happening west of you, and flip a coin to see if it'll hit you in a couple days - it's just about the same science.

Now, the latest sports highlights? Dish on Cheney's itchy trigger finger? Replay of Leno's or Letterman's intro last night? What investment tip can you give me that you just heard about? Mac vs. Windows funnies? That's chit-chat!! Then get to the point of the call already! Time's a-wastin'!

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark." ~ George Carlin

"Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while." ~Kin Hubbard

today is the day... a beginning rant

2006-02-14T12:40:00.001-07:00

Why is it that we can find so many ways to communicate, that there is so much information out in the world, but yet, who really says anything important or worth listening to?

Here I join the masses in spewing forth the random rants of one person into the sea of intellectual spittle.

Varied "editorials" about politics, relationships, sex, money, funny tid-bits, technology... you might find it all here.

Comment if you must, but know that there is a very clear and often used saying about opinions and assholes.... I agree. However, I get most of my "material" for ranting from the comments and complaints of others, so have at it!!!

“Youth ages. Immaturity is outgrown. Ignorance can be educated and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever.” - Aristophanes, 5th Century B.C., Greek comic